Naruto, Successor to the Punk
by Patapon
Summary: Yo I'm Kanta Mizuno, the infamous Desert Punk! I'm the number 1 mercenary in the Great Kanto Desert! At least until I was banished,now I'm stuck teaching this runt, whats his name...Naruto. Naru x ? First experimental chapters deleted,and voting on paring
1. Meeting Naruto

Naruto, Successor to the Punk

Chapter 2: Exiled, and I'm going to a mercenary!

Rating:T

_**Well here's chapter 2…and well, please review, (also the start of this takes place 2 years before the start of Naruto.) **_

Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the characters in this stories other than my own plot and OC's. Naruto or Desert Punk, or the other numerous things that belong to someone else, who I plotted to go back in time, take their Ideas, enslave them, so I may own their property**

"Normal speak"

'Thoughts'

"**Jutsu and Demon/Inner Persona (like Inner Sakura)"**

"_**Demon/Inner Persona thoughts and Jutsu"**_

"Summoned entity speak" _"Summoned entity thoughts"_

_Desert Punk, also know as Kanta Mizuno is know far and wide in The Great Kanto Desert for getting his missions done, 100 of the time. Unfortunately it's NOW being know of the effects of his ruthless ways of completing them. Which is why we are currently witnessing this scene. _

"What the hell?" Punk said in his helmet as several large spears were pointed at him, one moment he gets payday from the Taskmaster of his job-well done, next large, pointy-as-crap spears in his face. "Kanta Mizuno, your are hear-by ordered to leave the Great Kanto Desert on charges of Several major cases of destruction of resources that belong to Oasis Government. You are also being exiled on account of the additional destruction of Oasis's 36 government building." Said a arrogant looking solider wielding a spear.

"Hey your president Mugenya, said he would excuse me of all crimes if I got him out of there when those Bandits came!" They looked at each other once then pointed at him again. "No matter, you are expected to come with us to the train then your to your own devices then."

_**Several Hours later.**_

Kanta had taken of his helmet and cloak and had them in his bag, along with his emergency scroll which contained a couple of special things, and apprentice suits with several outfits given to him by his former teacher/master. His signature Kunai and shrunken . His very own Hentai Magna from when he was a kid. He looked boredly out his window and at the guard next to him. The guard was currently as reading his profile and he couldn't help but look.

_Name: Kanta Mizuno_

_Age: 24_

_Alias: Desert Punk, Self-Proclaimed Demon of the desert_

_Mission record: See pamphlet_

_Description: A short angry Man who became a mercenary after quitting his job as Government Shinobi. Is about 5'5 in height, black spiky short hair, tan complexion_

_His nose is roundish angular. Eyes are a shade of Coal. _

_Warning: Is to be considered dangerous. Be cautious._

'That's it, they said nothing of my dreams…or the fact I have a sense of humor."

"Hey Guard?"

"Yes"

"What about my house?"

"…Property of the Oasis's Government"

"My land?"

"…Property of the Oasis's Government"

"My Stuff?"

"...Property of the Oasis's Government"

"Your mother?"

"She is the person who puts the label "Property of the Oasis's Government."

"...You suck."

"You swallow."

Kanta grew red and looked like he was about to jump him, but the spear at his chest told him other wise, as in sit down.

_**At he train station in Suna**_

Kanta glared as the train left the station. Maybe he was reflecting on being forced to leave the life he's had. Maybe all of his conquests, victories, and battles no longer meant anything. …No he was glaring at the Guard who currently was sitting with a smug look on his face as the train left the station. He was also upset that all his money was now 'Property of the Oasis Government.'

"This isn't over, this just means the whole planet will know of Desert Punk, YA HEAR THAT KANTO DESERT, YOU HAVEN'T HEARED THE LAST OF THE DESERT PUNK!" Kanta yelled crazily to the sky. This caused a large amount of people to step back from the cackling man. Later that day Kanta, back in full gear as Desert Punk, ran out of Suna with one thought in mind, 'This is only the beginning, here I come world!!'

_**Two months later, Fire country, Konoha no Sato**_

_Konoha, the village hidden in the leaves I well know through out the Ninja World as one of the more powerful hidden villages. It came out on top ad survived two wars, and has produced some of the finest Shinobi in history, such as the legendary Sennin._

_The only sign of weakness that has ever become truly apparent was when 10 years ago, calamity struck when Kyubi no Youkai attacked, and even though the demon was defeated, it struck such a devastating blow, many shinobi were lost. This included the Forth Hokage, who sealed the Demon into a boy. His last wish had been for the boy to be seen as a hero, but through out the 10 years and counting for that boy, we can see how well that turned out._

_**Konoha Ninja academy**_

In a class of 30 students hopeful on passing their Gennin exam, one student sat sweating feverously. He had blond hair and blue eyes, and strange whisker like birth marks, eerily similar to a cat…no, more like a fox. He younger looking than his classmates, he was allowed with special permission from the Third Hokage to be admitted into the older class for a chance to be a Shinobi, but if he failed, he would have to take it over and over until he passed.

He didn't want to even _consider _going through year like this again. His classmates treated him like shit, and his teachers considered him less than _Dog shit._ He never received the proper materials to succeed, his questions were mocked, and he was beginning to suspect his teachers were giving questions only the fully-seasoned shinobi could barely answer. He was pretty sure he had failed the Written exam, maybe the Tai-Jutsu, defiantly Gen-Jutsu, but if he could pass the Nin-Jutsu, and with a tiny bit of mercy from Kami, maybe, just _maybe he could be a Shinobi._

'_There is no such thing as Kami, or if Kami exists, mercy is just a joke.' _ the 10 year old thought miserably as he watched the graduates get congratulated. He managed to do **Kawarimi no Jutsu,** and**Henge no Jutsu, **but** Bunshin no Jutsu****, **no go. He was currently sitting on a swing, listening to his former classes parents praise their children and mock him, silently (or so they thought) to each other, like calling him 'Monster', 'Hell spawn,' and the classic, 'Demon' when he heard something that made his heart skip a beat. He listened more intently to what two gossiping mothers were sayng.

"Hey have you heard that there's some Mercenary in town, calls himself the 'Unstoppable, 'Unbeatable' Demon of the Desert?" The boy began grinning, 'there's someone like me, only invincible?!' He could hardly contain himself, all he needed to know was who to look for and he would be off…"They say he has a metal round helmet, and he's really short, and…" they suddenly stopped when they heard a poof noise. They looked over to the swings where the 'Demon Brat' was only to notice there was a boy-shaped cloud there. "Anyway… he's just some faker, he isn't even a ninja, not like Kakashi." the woman continued soon after the cloud blew away, then blushed after thinking about Kakashi.

**_Konoha's Ichiraku Ramen Stand _**

Something in the boy knew he was he was here. Everything good happened here. He looked around quickly before spotting him. Short? Check. Polishing a dull-looking _round metal helmet_? Check. This is him. He was tan, like himself, short, like himself, and people kept giving him strange looks as they passed by, the only difference between him and this person was the color of their hair and eyes. How would he approach this man, who was a so-called Demon of the Desert?

"Kid I'm warning you to back off." Kanta said boredly to a little brat who had been standing behind him for 5 whole minutes. "No way! How did you know I was, that proves it, I'll follow you to the ends of the world to get you to train me!" The Kid said pointing at him with a cocky grin. "Do you know who I am gaki?" He shrugged his shoulders, he remembered what the gossips said and was silently hoping, then grinned, "I know who I am, I'm Naruto Uzumaki, future Hokage and your new apprentice!" The kid, now know as Naruto said grinning broadly.

Kanta couldn't believe his luck. He had only arrived this week, he had planned that once he announced who he was in the middle of the town, work would come flooding, but no, he's treated like a crazy person, given these so called D-missions, (haven't even touched them), and ran out of money that he took with him from Kanto.

Now there was some little brat behind him staring at him like a loon, then calls himself his apprentice. Now it would be nice to have a lackey, but the orange jumpsuit this kid was wearing was killing him. "Listen brat, I don't have time for this, the only way I'd consider you my apprentice was if you were either a woman with fun bags the size of melons or you could pay me this amount." He said making the 'necessary measurement' motions with his hands then handing a out a piece of paper.

Naruto's eyes bulged out at the price, and was tempted to use his secret **Sexy no Jutsu**, but then again he could use all his rent money to pay off his land lord. Bu then again…"Is there any other way I could pay this?" Naruto said eventually. Kanta looked over at the 3 D-mission's. "I'll let you pay _half_ of this if you do all three of these Missions." "All right!" Naruto yelled pumping his fist into the air before the Day.

Kanta grinned, 'there's no way he'd be stupid enough to actually,' 'Poof.' Naruto Shaped cloud + 'poof' sound + missing mission folders + Loud cheering in distance Kanta Jaw drop. "No way, he really did it." The owner of the Ramen Stand walked up to him. "Yeah, that's Naruto for you, once he sets out to do something he won't stop." "Huh." Kanta grunted then went back to polishing. 'If he fails I still get the money, good thing he doesn't know that, and the old smelly Ramen guy and his sexy, sexy worker aren't mind-readers.' Kanta grinned thinking to himself. Mean while Ichiraku suddenly took on furious look and pulled out a Huge meat cleaver, (why would a Ramen Chief need that) and his daughter/employee blushed just as quickly.

**MISSION #1 CLEAR SNAKES OUT STORE BASEMENT!**

Naruto looked at the mission skeptically, then at the at the 5 puny stone-still Garner snakes. "Ha, this is it, no problem." Naruto thought grinning. If had read the _rest _of the mission, he would of seen the _warning it is snake mating season _message.

Suddenly hissing came from all directions, and Naruto was immediately caught in a large ball of withering snakes. "What are they…ew, ew, EW, MATING BALL!" Naruto screamed as he,(still encased in the snake orgy) ran out screaming. Thus his hatred of snakes was born. Good thing was, the snakes were later washed away, when Naruto jumped in the river to get them off him.

**MISSION #1 CLEAR SNAKES OUT STORE BASEMENT! COMPLETE**

**MEANWHILE AT THE RAMEN BAR!**

'This isn't half bad.' Kanta thought as he ate the ramen he ordered. Ichiraku grinned behind the counter as he zipped up his zipper. Ayame,(the Ramen girl) stared on in horror/fascination.

**MSSION #2 ORGANIZE HOKAGES PAPER WORK!**

Naruto stared at the mountains of paperwork in fear. The Third Hokage's secretary looked at them with him. They looked at each other once, nodded, then in frenzy of sorting that has never been accomplished before, managed them into 100 smaller (but still large) piles. It is reported that when the Hokage saw all 100 piles, he went emo for a whole hour.

**MSSION #2 ORGANIZE HOKAGES PAPER WORK!COMPLETE**

**MEANWHILE AT THE RAMEN BAR**

"So do you really think he'll take Naruto as an apprentice?" Ayame asked her Dad quietly. "He'd better or he'll be singing soprano." He replied holding the large meat clever again. Kanta suddenly shivered and sneezed.

**MISSION # 3 MOST DEADLY MISSION EVER, FIND THE KITTY TORA!**

"_Dear journal, I don't know what I was thinking, as soon as I cornered the cat, it all went wrong. Suddenly snakes came flying at me, it took 3 whole minutes, 3 WHOLE MINITES TO GET AWAY!" _ A frantic, dirt and leave covered Naruto wrote down. _"I've ran out of the little chocolate (most have melted) candies, and the situation looks grim, this cat-but-not-cat-is-really-evil-master-mind thing, is going too be spaded if I have my way." _Naruto put the journal away in his secret pocket, grabbed a bendy straw, duct tape, rubber bands, and two cardboard spears. Holding a spear above his head, he charged, screaming and yelling.

_1 hour later_

They stared down each other, a sort of understanding filling each others eyes. A silent conversation with in the air. They had both exhausted their best skills.

"_I can't go back, I'd rather die."_

"_You have to, I would let you go but, I must capture you."_

"_Very well."_

The Cat launched itself at Naruto, claws and teeth at ready. Naruto's eyes were shadowed by his hair and held out a hand, his pants were missing hlf a leg, and his jacket sleeves were ripped off. The cat was inches away from his face when the cat landed in his arms purring.

"_You have cat nip, cheater!" _The cat seemed to say as it purred with twin waterfalls falling from its eyes.

"All's fair in love and war, kitty." Naruto said, as they walked off into the sunset.

**MISSION # 3 MOST DEADLY MISSION EVER, FIND THE KITTY TORA! COMPLETE !**

Kanta was finishing off another bowl of ramen, it tasted different than he first one, (this ones normal!) when he heard someone enter. Behind him a wobbly barley standing, rag-tag, looking Naruto stood with a grin on his face. He threw the folders at him and on each one was a stack of ryo, and a stamp that said complete. Kanta's eyes widened, in each one the was also a picture of a beautiful, _nude,_ blond yet, slightly smoke covered female. (Naruto's back-up plan.) "Kid what's your name again?"

Naruto looked at him angrily, "Naruto Uzumaki, Future HO-" "OK, kami, come here tomorrow at seven, your training as my apprentice begins." Naruto's eye's suddenly were filled with stars, they actually began glowing with Joy when he heard the words apprentice. "You'll get a helmet, sunshade, and cloak tomorrow." Kanta said getting up and leaving, taking the photo's, mission reports and money with.

Later that day Naruto would go to the academy, tell them to shove it and leave. After one very long talk with the Hokage He promised in two yeas he would take the graduation exam with that class.

**Wow….that was the longest thing I've ever typed, (so far). Any way forgot to put translations.**

**Kami- God or Lord**

**Gaki- Brat**

**Doton Shinjuu Zanshu no Jutsu -** **Inner Decapitation Skill**

**Bunshin no Jutsu – Clone skill**

**Henge no Jutsu – Transformation skill**

**Kawarimi no Jutsu - ****Body Substitute Skill**

**Now for the Poll for Naruto! (No yaoi parings, I don't mind them, I just cant type them) **

**Naruto x Hinata**

**Naruto x Sakura**

**Naruto x Ino**

**Naruto x Tenten**

**Naruto x Temari**

**Naruto x Ayame (ramen girl)**

**Naruto x Kurenai (Hinata's Sensei)**

**Naruto x Fem Haku**

**Naruto x Tsnuade**

**Naruto x Shizune**

**OR**

**Naru x Harem (5 girls with most votes) **

**No preview, but next chapter, I MAY add someone in the story from Desert Punk.**


	2. Child labor and Machinegun brothers!

_**Oh yeah I'm back, now with the Desert Punk soundtrack to listen to as I type!**_

_**I realize I may have possibly made the human-Tora similar to Yoruichi from bleach, this is unintended.**_

_**Any way disclaimer and reference are on the 1**__**st**__** and 2**__**nd**__** chapter.**_

_**11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111**_

_**(The following preview is scheduled for chapter three. I was planning to make this chapter longer but I needed to have this one out sooner,)**_

**1 year later, some random forest….**

In a clearing in the woods a small group of travelers came to a stop. The group consisted of a few merchants, and their goods. One of them came over to the wagons and began taking tally of their goods. "Kay every things still here!" The man called out. Another one of them ran over and clamped her hand over his mouth. "Are you trying to get us killed, haven't you ever heard of jinxes? A group of merchant's traveling through the woods, with a _full stock of goods, __**and guards have abandoned them, **_that screams please ambush us." She hissed in his ear angrily.

Meanwhile up in the trees…

A set of green goggles peered out through the leave, almost completely hidden. "Master I'm in position, where are you?" A voice said under its breath. After a few seconds of silence the voice spoke up again. "Understood." It said before the goggles disappeared and a figure leapt from the treetops to a lower branch. The said figure was completely covered by a black and grayish green cameo cloak, with a matching tank top and shinobi style pants and black boots underneath, and a hood covering the head.

The face was effectively blocked from view by the large green goggles, with the lens adjusting slowly and the mouth and nose covered by a blue cloth. Slowly the hood was pulled down to reveal bright blond hair. In his ear was a small transmitter.

Ladies and Gentleman I give you Naruto Uzumaki, now with 20% more bad-ass. (Because regular orange wearing Naruto is pretty bad-ass…in some circles)

Soon another figure landed beside him.

A flattish cone straw hat with a red circle in the center and a cloth cut around the back and sides to cover the neck. The head was completely covered by a metal dome with no visor only a door knobish mouth piece coming pout the front. A tan cloak covered everything else, which was a green long sleeved shirt with a military style vest over it.

Also he wore a tan pair of pants with the ends wrapped down to a set tan boots.

Ladies and gentlemen I give you the Sunabouzo (Desert Punk, that's what it means), now with a 20% more bad-ass Naruto.

Then finally one last figure landed on a branch below them. Her skin was so tan it was bronze. She wore a fedora styled hat and long flowing orange hair with a small red bow tied in came from under it. Her face was eerily similar to a cat, along with the orange-brown eyes. She wore a black and purple cameo vest with a gray ragged looking jacket over it and shinobi style pants. Her choice of foot wear was black shinobi sandals. Her finger tips seemed to be painted red, similar to claws. Around her left eye was what appeared to be a birth mark like a crescent.

I give you the final member of Team Sunabouzo, Tora, the former cat of the Daimyo's Wife!

_**Episode 3! Lessons from the punk!**_

_**1 year ago**_

Naruto stood outside the ramen bar, bouncing on one foot to the next, barely able to contain his joy. Dressed in his favorite orange jumpsuit, with his green goggles around his forehead and blue sandals he was ready to begin learning.

And the joy was brought to a close when arrow was shot in his arm.

This lead to Naruto learning several new things:

Arrows hurt. _A lot._

Kanta-sama likes using crossbows.

And said crossbows arrows are usually are wrapped with an explosive of varying strength.

Ripping out arrow's hurt just as much as getting hit.

Sometimes said explosive arrows are duds.

Kanta-sama is an ass.

Now let's view how Naruto gained this knowledge:

Naruto stood still for a few moments looking at the arrow, face twisted in shock and pain, before he heard the infamous hiss of an exploding tag.

Naruto may not be the roundest marble in the bag, but he made up for it in effort. So he had devoted one major cram session on shinobi essentials, and one thing he remembered was greatest, (and possible worst, in this case) was explosive tags.

Gritting his teeth he ripped it out and threw on the ground and leapt back expecting a explosion.

5 seconds…

10 seconds…

30 seconds…

"What the crap?"

The arrow kept hissing for a few seconds then stopped but no explosion followed.

Soon clapping was heard and out stepped Kanta wearing a pair of long grey cargo pants and his cloak on with hat tied around the back of his neck with a thin piece of string, applauding him. "Very good, most people just run around screaming like retards when hit with the arrow, you just ripped it out."

"WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!? Naruto screamed at him. "You could have killed me!"

"But I didn't, so stop whining like a bitch and come on!" Kanta said hoisting a large Cross bow over his shoulder and walking away with Naruto trailing behind, rubbing his arm and grumbling angrily.

Thus began the start of Naruto's Apprenticeship.

_**3 months later**_

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

An Uzumaki.

"Come on Naruto, Run like a ramen stand is having a special!"

A Mercenary.

"GET AWAY!"

Still the Uzumaki.

"AUUURRGGH!"

Angry Bear.

Kanta sat boredly in a tree holding a fair amount of Ryo, payment for the current job Naruto was doing. Naruto on the other hand was running through the woods with twin waterfalls of tears as a pissed off bear chased it in a frenzy, while Kanta would occasionally yell out a false encouraging word.

Kanta had decided to take Naruto through a crash course of what he called 'training.'

What it's really called is: "Legal Child Labor."

_**Flash back**_

"Ok Naruto, the secret to all my skills and abilities lie in experience. The only way to get said experience is through work." Kanta said looking at Naruto as he dragged in a HUGE stack of papers. Naruto craned his neck upwards as he began to get a sinking feeling in his gut. "And I found _a lot_ of work, but don't worry; it's nothing you can't handle."

_**Flask back KAI!**_

"Admit it! You liedto me!" Naruto said as he leaped out of range of the bear's mouth. "How is this even a real job!?"

"Ok Naruto ditch the bear and meet me in front of your apartment, I'll have something to show you." Kanta said leaping away.

"WHAT you're just going to leave me here with this-"Naruto yelled out before dodging a swipe from the bear.

_**1 hour later**_

Kanta stood out side the apartment complex waiting. "Guess I need to find another slav-apprentice, yeah apprentice that's what I'll call them, to teach." He said stretching.

Suddenly a kunai hit the wall he was standing next to, dangerously close to his head. "Your one mistake was not making sure that bear killed me." Said a bruised and cut up Naruto.

"So you made sure the bear got enough exercise? Any way it's time I show you one of my signature Justus's." Said Kanta ignoring the murderous look in his eyes. "What do you know about noxious gas Naruto?" Naruto thought for a few moments before replying. "You mean the type you got after drinking the blue milk in my fridge?" "No, not that type." He made a few hand-signs and a large floating white ball appeared. Naruto reached out to touch it but was pulled back. "Careful gaki, inside this brilliant big orb is an odor-less, color-less fast-acting gas, and once breathed in, it causes paralysis, nausea, vomiting, and shut down of most large motor skills. I give you a Jutsu I created: Su-pa **fuka-ketsunoana mahi gasu no Jutsu! (super bad-ass paralysis gas technique.) Naruto looked at him strangely. "You called it that?" **

**"Yes, a bad-ass technique like that that deserves and even better name!"**

"Now as I was saying despite all of its deadliness it lacks subtly, which is why you're going to start learning Genjutsu!"

"Genjutsu why the crap would I learn that? I want to learn Ninjutsu!" Naruto said angrily. Only to have an arrow hit the ground next to him. "For two very important reasons, 1. I really prefer using Genjutsu over Ninjutsu in some cases, and it complements the way I operate on missions and 2. You're my god damn apprentice, and you'll learn what I teach you!" Kanta said lowering his Crossbow to his side. "Now come on, I've saved up what you earned during you're missions, it's time to get you your equipment and some supplies." He said turning away from him and walking towards a series of stores with Naruto following behind him. Naruto grew quite quickly. He had a bad history with most stores in the area. There were the numerous cases of tainted and old food, incredibly shitty weapons that would most likely bounce off a chest harmlessly if thrown and clothing that seemed far too expensive, except for his favorite orange jumpsuit.

_**5 hours later**_

Kanta and Naruto walked out of another store with Kanta grinding his teeth in anger. This was the 15th store he had gone in with Naruto, only to have his apprentice glared at and everything's price jump up, be 'missing' or simply to useless to use. He was starting to be tempted to let all hell lose and shoot the next store owner in the neck consequences be damned.

He noticed Naruto seemed to get more and more downtrodden, and began thinking. 'Obviously they have something against Naruto, cause when I'm alone, everything's pretty normal, so that must mean…damn look at her! What I wouldn't give to be her baby!'

Yes the steel trap of Kanta's mind was once again defeated by one of his few weaknesses: Women.

After walking into another store, they dealt with another unruly manager. "What is wrong with you?!" Kanta yelled at the old woman who owned the place. "No BLONDS allowed." She said hatefully pointing at Naruto. Naruto grit his teeth in frustration. 'Why does this keep happening, I only let a swarm of ants in the store next to her.' He shuffled his feet as Kanta began shacking with rage before calming down. He smirked in superiority before turning around. "Come on runt. We're done here."

"I AM NOT A RUNT!" Naruto said following him forgetting what had occurred in his IAMNOTASHORTY automatic defense. After a trip back to Naruto's apartment, with a never-ending rant from Naruto about height,) Naruto ran out of breath with a indigent shout f: "YOUR-*pant*- SHORT- *PANT*-TOO!"

Kanta stopped and looked back at him. "So?" He replied coolly before as they entered Naruto's ratty apartment. Kanta didn't mind how it looked, it reminded him of home. He made a motion as if he was dropping something, and then made a hand-sign. "Kai." He said as a pile of groceries and clothes appeared. "See what I mean by that Genjutsu complements my style?" He grinned in triumph as Naruto stood gob-smacked. "Bu, ja, dhu, mu…..suh?" Naruto stammered in confusion, Before Kanta turned. "Whenever we entered a store I weaved together a simple Genjutsu, and took what I needed, in fact I'm disappointed that you couldn't tell."

"But that's stealing" Naruto said frantically.

"Bingo brat, Rule for life #5: Take what you need, no matter how you do it." He said putting the stolen goods away.

Suddenly there were voices at the door.

"Is this the room, I mean we've busted through five already and those last guy's had all those kunai..." A panicky voice said before there was a loud thump. "Shut up you idiot we need to do this quietly or they'll here us!" "Stop shouting, damnit, this could him!" "Don't tell me to shut up, I'll," two other voices began arguing before Kanta kicked the door open and began shooting his cross bow. Thee freaked out figures in large black cloaks hit the floor hit the deck before each pulled out a long wooden pole with three slits at one end with two boxes connected at the other ending with a trigger. The pulled them and shuriken began shooting out in a hail, and Kanta took cover. "STOP SHOOTING AT US, PUNK, IT'S US!"

"I'll stop shooting when you stop, I don't know any one by the name of US!" Kanta said, firing another round of cross bow bolts at the door.

"You're destroying my apartment!" Naruto shouted in fear and sorrow as his furniture was being reduced to shreddings.

"It's me, Fuyuo!" (I thank SkeiththeTerrorofDeath for giving me their proper names.) Said the largest one, dropping his cloak, revealing the toughest-looking man Naruto had ever seen. He had a bulky muscular figure, and his light brown hair was muffled, and there was a gap in the middle of his teeth.. He was wearing a pulled down hood that had mask on it, a grungy grey vest and brown military style pants on, with a grey meshed long sleeves the connected to large gloves.

"And Akio!" Said the second tallest, He was much more wiry looking than the others, and his face was more focused, but he too had a gap in the middle of his teeth, but was wearing the same type of clothes.

"Don't leave me out, I'm Haruo!" Said the smallest. He looked much smaller despite the muscle that was showing, but from his posture and voice, it was apparent he was the runt. He had a gap as well, and yet again he wore the same clothes as the others. "And we're…"

"A big-ass head ache." Kanta said annoyed.

"Who are these guys?" Naruto said sadly, still mourning the loss of his sofa.

"Who's the ant Punk?" Fuyuo asked before holding a furious Naruto away at arms length.

Kanta sighed and sat down on what remained of the couch. "Naruto, meet the 'Machine gun brothers' they get their name from the weapons from the west they want to buy one day, they even made weapons similar to them. Machine gun brothers, meet Naruto Uzumaki…my apprentice." The brother surrounded Naruto and stared at him. After a few tense moments, Haruo smiled. "He's a midget like you!" THWANG! Haruo screamed in pain as a crossbow bolt found its way into his leg. Naruto stood triumphantly holding Kanta's cross bow before getting bonked on the head.

"Bad Naruto….Bad." Kanta said dryly taking back his cross bow

"So what brings you guy's out of the desert, and why were you looking for me?"

Akio shuffled a bit before speaking. "Well, when you were banished, we decided to take the title of #1 Mercenaries. So we decided to buy all your property and take your debts, as proof." Kanta stomped angrily, "YOU TRIED TO BUY MY STUFF!?"

Fuyuo pushed Kanta down again. "Hold on we're not finished."

Akio continued, "Anyway, we found ourselves way in over our heads, how you built up a debt that large is a mystery to us, and we decided well to…"

Haruo fell down crying, "We couldn't pay so we got out of there as soon as we could, because they sent him!"

"Who?" Kanta and Naruto said together.

_**Train Station at Suna (If you've heard of this guy's theme, or have it….play it NOW!)**_

The steam from the leaving train blew away, revealing a large man. This guy reeked with…reekiness…(anyway.)

He was dressed in all black, Black fedora hat, Black metallic breathing respirator covering his whole face and black wrap-around goggles with blaring white lenses. He wore a black vest with a chain of bullets wrapped around them. Underneath were a black long sleeved shirts and black gloves, and you guessed it, black cameo pants and and boots.

In his hand was a western gun, which looked like a sawed off rifle, once again painted black. Flapping ominously at his back was a black cape. Two Chunnin guards stood across from him, arguing over who would talk to him. "Why does everyone weird come out of Kanto?" said the one that got up and walked over slowly. "M-may I ask your name?" "Hmm," The man spoke in a haughty tone, "I shall tell you, I am the collector of souls...The punisher of the wicked….The debt collector…The flusher of toilets! I. AM. RAIN SPIDER!" The guard stood stone still as Rain Spider walked off. "That's it; I'm signing up for Gaara-watch."

_**And they we go! After weeks of brain storming and editing, the official second chapter is here. Before I put this up, I'll add an idea that has been going through my head for a while… OMAKE TIME!**_

Iruka stood happily as he faced his class. His first day of teaching was going to be great!

_**He is a hero.**_

Iruka looked around and his classed looked up oddly.

_**He is unstoppable.**_

"Who said that?" Iruka said aping a foot angrily. The class had a collective shrug. Suddenly, music began to play.

**Here comes !**

"I'm not a doctor." Iruka said confused. The class began panicking, "You're a doctor?" Someone asked in the back.

**That's right, , everyone's favorite Action Hero is back and has a p.h.d. in kicking ass!**

"No I'm not!" He yelled out angrily. The class stared at him in shock.

**That's right, he's a real doctor, and you made him what he is today! By mindlessly attending 10'000 of his blockbuster movies!**

**Such as:**

**Operation **

**3 2 1, **

**and who could forget his famous porno,**

**Holy shit,****it's **** 's Classroom!**

"We're in a porno?" asked a blushing girl in the front row. "NO!" Iruka yelled panicking.

"I have 's plushies!" "I have the box set for his movies!" Yelled two other students, while one held up a chibi doll of a angry Iruka began pulling his hair. "What's happening?"

**Also from 10 to 9 for the next few weeks will be giving out HOT DICKINGS!**

Iruka stood flabbergasted and blushing, as his entire class, and a few people that were walking into the room to check out the commotion, stared at him.

**That's right….HOT DICKINGS!**

Iruka took a deep breath.

**Just passing 'em out!**

Iruka began screaming.

**HOT**

He ran out of breath and pulled his hair again.

**DICKINGS!**

Finally, unable to accept the madness he ran out the room, screaming "What the hell is going on?!"

**Back in the class room.**

**Woah is he upset?**

The class shrugged once more.

**Anyway, on the count of three, everyone giuve a shout out to the greatest action/porn star: !**

The class shot up wearing the official fan-club shirts, with the picture of a confused Iruka on the front. "We love !" They all cheered.

_**Now that that's out of my system, poll up dates!**_

**Naruto x Hinata:**

**Naruto x Sakura:**

**Naruto x Ino:1**

**Naruto x Tenten:**

**Naruto x Temari;1**

**Naruto x Ayame (ramen girl):**

**Naruto x Kurenai (Hinata's Sensei):**

**Naruto x Fem Haku:**

**Naruto x Tsnuade: 2**

**Naruto x Shizune:**

**Naruto x Anko:**

**Naruto x Yugito:**

**OR**

**Naru x Harem (5 girls with most votes):2**

**And as added bonus**

** Also the parings and lemons will really kick off post time-skip despite my perversion, but some kissing/flirting and dry humping/kissing may be sprinkled in **_**sparingly.**_

(And for a picture of Desert Punk, check my avatar.)

_**Yours truly, Patapon**_


End file.
